Thanks to a post at Alternative Albany, I have come up with another post on Gorean and BDSM lifestyle choices.
And that is, is the Gorean Lifestyle also part of the BDSM world? Many who identify with Gor would say no, but I have a few thoughts on that. And those thoughts are as follows.
When someone takes a slave, or becomes one, they are now within the BDSM world. As I stated in a previous post, BDSM has the terms Bondage, Discipline, Dominate, and Submissive in it. Therefore, if you take on one of the roles in the acronym, then you are now part of the BDSM world. Yes, I’m looking at you, Goreans. Just because you get no sexual excitement from whipping your girl, does not mean anything. I constantly tell people that MOST relationships can be considered to be BDSM in one form or another, do to the practices in most relationships.
Most Gorean Men want to be separate from BDSM. Why? Well, it’s really simple. Gor has a bad rep as it is, and when you add the bad rep of BDSM into it, then there are issues. When many Goreans don’t understand switches, or safe words, then there is an issue when the BDSMers start complaining about “What the hell do you mean you don’t use safewords?” The problems that causes are not small.
So, can someone who follows the Gorean Ideal NOT be part of the BDSM scene? Well, yes. If they never take a slave. If they never are a slave. If they never punish or are punished, because of the Gorean Ideals. Then, yes, they are no longer part of BDSM. But, as long as at least ONE of those parts are in the relationship, then you are a member of the general BDSM scene, and can be considered to be following a BDSM Lifestyle.
Filed under: BDSM, Gorean Philosophies, Life | Tagged: BDSM |
Gorean Refuge 
I completely agree with what you are saying. If one is not practicing ‘any’ elements of bondage or submission, but how true is that within the realm of Gor? It would seem to me, even if you don’t take a slave or submit to a master, you would still naturally be dominating over women, and women would still naturally submit to men (as to what degree would be the only question).
One the other hand, most people are either naturally dominate or submissive. That’s were my issue really is. Is someone that is naturally submissive really into BDSM? Or someone that is naturally dominate? That’s what I was attempting to get out there….
Sorry, you can’t be naturally dominate. DominATE is the act, it’s what you do to another, dominANT is the title of the person. You are a dominant and you like to dominate.
There are many people who pracitse BDSM but are not part of ‘the scene’, that generally means they are going to public events, such as play parties, clubs or munches. A couple can be D/s-M/s all their life and not once mix with another BDSM person. So yes, you can be Gorean and not part of the bdsm SCENE.
I do agree that Gor is a subset of BDSM though. The first Gor novel came out after “The Story of O”. The default slave position in Gor – nadu, is exactly the same as the slave position in ‘O’. Since ‘O’ was the forerunner to the modern BDSM scene, and John Norman used positions and ideas AFTER the ‘O’ book came out, then its roots in BDSM cannot be denied.
Even some in the BDSM scene do not use safe words. However, this usually only happens between long term, committed couples who know each other well. I have always felt sex has little to do with the scene. Yes it can be arousing and many may use sex during a part of a scene or part of their particular take on BDSM, but it’s not automatically a part of it. There are some submissives who go into service of others their whole life and do not have sex with the person they serve. Some are in the scene because of a particular fetish only, which never involves sex.
Personally, I think the only thing that is automatically a part of BDSM is whether you are a Dominant or a submissive. Without that, to me you are not in the BDSM scene, but in the kink/fetish scene.
More than likely, the reason Goreans don’t like being part of the BDSM scene is because it’s too liberal for them. They have a very strict take on what you can and can’t do and will not accept a Mistress or male sub/slave at all. Switching, cross dressing and many other things would be anathema to them as well.
Oh forgot one thing,
what you do is dominate
who you are is dominant.
It’s only as adults that we become defensive about our fantasies – especially those that excite us sexually. We’re told repeatedly that being turned on by sexual fantasies is somehow not well… normal. We have no choice but to keep our fantasies secret, let our friends, our intimates, think us weird.
But we do have a choice. Many ordinary everyday people discover that they can share their fantasies – that other good, decent people have “shameful” secrets much like our own!
Too many people though, still feel they have to hide their most intimate imaginings. Who do you dare talk to about something as “far out” as erotic fantasy? What kind of people actually like “that kind of thing”, and where do you find them? How can you be sure you won’t offend someone, get hurt, or make a fool of yourself? How can you do “those” things safely, with someone like you?
do you have any experience with relyfe programming and bdsm?
yes